Now, for many of us, that suggestion is simply not
going to work. After all, we are the people who elevated kvetching to a rare
art form. We’re not going to give up that easily. And there is nothing particularly wrong with
that struggle. We ought to do everything we can to stay vital, dynamic, engaged
and productive for as long as humanly possible. We ought to strive to keep an
alert and active mind, remain interested and interesting, and avoid becoming
ill-tempered and cantankerous so that nobody wants to be around us.
But as far as I’m concerned, “growing old
gracefully” ought to really mean: Savoring the beauty of every single day, and
appreciating that our limited time on this earth means that every moment and
every relationship is something precious and irreplaceable. Each day presents us with the potential for
beautiful moments that are not to be squandered.
As we travel through life, we are occasionally met
by special moments that serve as “mile-markers” alerting us to the passage of
time. If we have children, it is often their birthday parties, b’nai mitzvah,
graduations and weddings which become wonderful examples of some of life’s most
heart-warming milestones.
On a personal note, I have now reached the “grandparent”
stage of life (and I do hope you’re all still thinking: “Gee he’s way too young
to be a grandfather”)! We just recently
celebrated our grandson Gavi’s third birthday which accompanied the Jewish
tradition of upsherin -- the first haircut at 3 years old -- which seems
to be making quite the comeback these days.
Such events serve to underscore the beauty and mystery of the passage of
time.
God-willing, we will celebrate two more simchas
this summer: the birth of another grandchild, and the upcoming marriage of our
middle daughter. So this brings us to another
magical time in our lives, filled with hope, promise, and anticipation.
Whenever the subject of our daughter’s approaching
wedding has come up in conversation, the question I get more than any other is:
“Will you be officiating at the service?” “Is that even allowed?”
Actually it is not a bad question. In rabbinic
practice, a rabbi is supposed to exclude him/herself from intervening in
certain matters or halachic decisions, if he or she is a “nogeah badavar”
(literally “touching the matter”), which means somehow personally involved in
any loss or benefit that may stem from the decision. One could have cogently
argued that a father is similarly affected by his daughter’s choice of a
husband.
But our tradition has no such concern when it comes
to performing your own child’s wedding ceremony. All that matters is that there
are two proper unrelated witnesses to
sign the Ketubah and to confirm that the legally required elements of a Jewish
marriage have in fact taken place. In our
family it has been a long-standing tradition to get married by your father, and
this pattern has probably repeated itself a dozen times over throughout the
generations.
So as I chant the traditional words under the
chuppah that I have spoken so many times before, another two young adults will
be forging a magical bond as they embark on their future together. And Linda
and I will smile knowingly at one another. We will be reminded of our youth,
our age and our own wedding ceremony many years ago. And as we celebrate,
God-willing, another birth this summer, we will know that we are experiencing another
one of life’s miraculous moments as we move past another treasured milepost
along the path of life.
May all of us merit the opportunity to celebrate
many such simchas in our lives, and to never lose sight of what a
magical and precious world we are privileged to enjoy.
L’Shalom,
Rav Mark Zimmerman
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