“Growing old gracefully.” It is a phrase that we
frequently hear people say when they talk about aging, though I never quite
understood what it’s supposed to mean. It almost sounds like an admonition that
we should not put up too much of a fight as our physical strength and mental
acuity begins to diminish. Just tolerate
it with a kind disposition and for heaven’s sake, try not to kvetch too
much. It makes everyone else around you
awfully uncomfortable.
Now, for many of us, that suggestion is simply not
going to work. After all, we are the people who elevated kvetching to a rare
art form. We’re not going to give up that easily. And there is nothing particularly wrong with
that struggle. We ought to do everything we can to stay vital, dynamic, engaged
and productive for as long as humanly possible. We ought to strive to keep an
alert and active mind, remain interested and interesting, and avoid becoming
ill-tempered and cantankerous so that nobody wants to be around us.
But as far as I’m concerned, “growing old
gracefully” ought to really mean: Savoring the beauty of every single day, and
appreciating that our limited time on this earth means that every moment and
every relationship is something precious and irreplaceable. Each day presents us with the potential for
beautiful moments that are not to be squandered.
As we travel through life, we are occasionally met
by special moments that serve as “mile-markers” alerting us to the passage of
time. If we have children, it is often their birthday parties, b’nai mitzvah,
graduations and weddings which become wonderful examples of some of life’s most
heart-warming milestones.
On a personal note, I have now reached the “grandparent”
stage of life (and I do hope you’re all still thinking: “Gee he’s way too young
to be a grandfather”)! We just recently
celebrated our grandson Gavi’s third birthday which accompanied the Jewish
tradition of upsherin -- the first haircut at 3 years old -- which seems
to be making quite the comeback these days.
Such events serve to underscore the beauty and mystery of the passage of
time.
God-willing, we will celebrate two more simchas
this summer: the birth of another grandchild, and the upcoming marriage of our
middle daughter. So this brings us to another
magical time in our lives, filled with hope, promise, and anticipation.
Whenever the subject of our daughter’s approaching
wedding has come up in conversation, the question I get more than any other is:
“Will you be officiating at the service?” “Is that even allowed?”
Actually it is not a bad question. In rabbinic
practice, a rabbi is supposed to exclude him/herself from intervening in
certain matters or halachic decisions, if he or she is a “nogeah badavar”
(literally “touching the matter”), which means somehow personally involved in
any loss or benefit that may stem from the decision. One could have cogently
argued that a father is similarly affected by his daughter’s choice of a
husband.
But our tradition has no such concern when it comes
to performing your own child’s wedding ceremony. All that matters is that there
are two proper unrelated witnesses to
sign the Ketubah and to confirm that the legally required elements of a Jewish
marriage have in fact taken place. In our
family it has been a long-standing tradition to get married by your father, and
this pattern has probably repeated itself a dozen times over throughout the
generations.
So as I chant the traditional words under the
chuppah that I have spoken so many times before, another two young adults will
be forging a magical bond as they embark on their future together. And Linda
and I will smile knowingly at one another. We will be reminded of our youth,
our age and our own wedding ceremony many years ago. And as we celebrate,
God-willing, another birth this summer, we will know that we are experiencing another
one of life’s miraculous moments as we move past another treasured milepost
along the path of life.
May all of us merit the opportunity to celebrate
many such simchas in our lives, and to never lose sight of what a
magical and precious world we are privileged to enjoy.
L’Shalom,
Rav Mark Zimmerman
I was taking part in a "Jewish Professionals" discussion forum today, in response to the following article by my teacher Professor Jack Wertheimer in Commentary Magazine: http://www.commentarymagazine.com/article/the-ten-commandments-of-americas-jews/?goback=%252Egde_45992_member_122855793 
I can only speak for Conservative Judaism. We are alive and well in Atlanta, and the movement is growing here with now 7 vital Conservative shuls. Our Yeshiva programs in Jerusalem are growing, Masorti (Conservative) synagogues in Israel are growing, and more and more native Israelis (who want nothing to do with Haredi Judaism or the corruption they see in the Israeli rabbanut) are finding their way back to Judaism through our shuls. And all this despite the rampant attempts to de-legitimize non-Orthodox Judaism in Israel and elsewhere.
So I don't think the progressive movements in Judaism are in peril of disappearing just yet. In the 1950's, demographers also predicted the demise of Orthodox Judaism. They were wrong then, and I believe they are wrong now.
Just as egalitarianism created a real boost in Jewish engagement within our movement, I believe the push for more spiritual relevancy will have a positive impact in the long run as well. This often takes place now well beyond the walls of our individual denominations. New "Indie minyanim" for those 35 and under are sprouting up everywhere, and that's just one example. So yes, Judaism is undergoing a metamorphosis, but an enlightened, progressive Judaism is still here to stay.
Just think about how much Judaism has evolved from Biblical times, to the Greco-Roman period, to the Talmudic period, middle ages and finally today. We've had our Pharisees, Saducees, Karaites, Messianic movements like Shabbatai Tzvi and part of Chabad, Hassidim, Mitnagdim, etc. Even the term "Orthodox Judaism" didn't exist until the 1800's.
Judaism is not static today, and historically speaking it never was. I say, let Orthodoxy do their thing and let us do ours, since at the end of the day we are all working to build Jewish lives and Jewish communities for the greater glory of God, Torah and Israel. (And btw, yes I spelled out G-O-D because that's not God's name. Nowhere in the Torah does it say "vayomer 'God' el Moshe").